Monday, July 27, 2009

WHEN YA GOTTA GO.....

Upon entering the women's rest room in a Massachusetts rest area, I was presented with this enormous poster.
It was a diagram of the impending toilet I was going to use. No other Water Closet I have ever entered provided me with this type of intricate demonstration of the device I was going to use.
They called it the GREEN TOILET.

I do not possess a photographic memory, so the only thing I remembered about the informational poster were the words Green Toilet. This was what I was sorta expecting.



This was the second informational poster that was provided INSIDE the stall. I felt like I should have brought a notebook to take notes...this was way too much information. So what precisely did this 'green' toilet look like????

THIS is what it looked like.
The blackest black hole I've ever seen. This is not a trick of the camera. There was no bottom, there were no sides to be seen. Just total, unending blackness, unlike anything I've ever seen.
I imagine this is what a black hole in outer space must be like.

Speaking of bottoms, whenever I use a public facility, there is nothing that I touch that isn't separated from my skin by several, thick layers of tissue paper. So careful am I about this, that technically I don't even need to wash my hands as my hands never actually touch anything.
(Don't worry, birdman, I do wash my hands anyway....)

So one of my chores to get the job done was to put layers of toilet paper onto the seat itself before use. Well, I soon discovered that there was a 'breeze' coming up from the black hole!
None of the tissue paper would stay on the seat, it would be blown off the second I let go of it!!

After several failed attempts, I knew I had to do the dreaded hover technique. Fortunately my job to do wasn't complicated, if you get my drift.

Even with the 'breeze', amazingly there was NO smell of any kind, good or bad.

Not knowing what to expect when expecting a 'green' toilet, at least it wasn't this.....

Which it could have been!!

Speaking of doing the job, imagine how this Guiness Book World Records holder would take care of business??
ANY business...

Come to find out she hadn't cut her nails since 1979. 

Here is a quote from her when asked about the topic of this post:

"........she was asked the inevitable question about how she goes uses the bathroom, she replied: 'Very carefully'.

I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE HOW!!!!!!!!!

Sad update: (get a tissue, toilet or otherwise...) She was recently in a car accident and was thrown from the SUV and lost all her nails. She was devastated. 

17 comments:

brattcat said...

I am laughing so hard tears are rolling down my face. I'm 'green' with envy, Elenka. You are just too funny!

Birdman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Birdman said...

After a bit of a faux pas, I'm next in line. Ok, if the 'contents' of this story is on the(piling) up and up, then all I'm going to say is CASE CLOSED! No wonder you take so long when we are traveling, with all the reading, photographing, 'tissue-work' and thinking. Just get down to business! Me? The world is my urinal! Let's get going!

brattcat said...

Elenka, I'm afraid you have taken the mystery out of why some of us take so much longer in the loo. What a great comedy team you two make. I'm not getting much work done but I certainly have laughed, and I mean laughed hard, today thanks to the two of you. Now if I can just pull myself away and get 'down to business.' After reading this post one thing we might all consider is buying stock in commercial toilet tissue.

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Cute post, Elenka.... I was amused just thinking of you trying to line the toilet seat with paper that kept blowing away... (I needed to see a video!!! ha).. I guess those 'green' potties are in our future.... Mercy Me!!!!

And about the woman with the gross nails, WELL---I can't imagine how she could ever wipe herself --or do anything with her hands. I'm just so sad that she lost her nails. NOT!!!!! ha ha

Hugs,
Betsy

Kathleen said...

Leave it to Massachusetts to fill us all in with the details of their new toilets. Very interestiing, and you were so kind to take photos and all. I like the signs on the service area (rest areas)wastecans. "For you good health, barrel picking is prohibited". Like we don't know that? Hugs, Kathleen

Evansmom said...

Who knew that toilets could be so funny? Thanks for sharing.

The fingernails are just gross.... in my opinion anyway. Yuck.

Vodka Mom said...

oh my GOD, I am still freaking out about the "carefully" part, and now I'm in mourning for her nails. I think.

OhioMom said...

LOL! Thanks for the morning giggles...

Hit 40 said...

LMAO!!! I have never tried to hover a #2!!! Your a riot. Did it smell in there???

I had to hit follow. Your a riot too!!

Elenka said...

Hey, hey, hey.....It was NOT a #2 hover. I couldn't handle that, for darn sure.

Anonymous said...

you are so funny!!! and, a good artist.

Indian said...

ha ha, great fun reading your blog... nice work!!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

WOW-the nails had to go. I'm sorry but they had to go.

Susan said...

bonjour, a courgette is a zucchini in England and in Australia - been making the blog rounds. Wink.

jojo said...

between the toilet and the nails I may just have nightmares tonight..;p

Audrey at Barking Mad! said...

I have no words for that last picture. None.

It makes me want to file my nails down. Seriously.