Monday, July 27, 2009


Upon entering the women's rest room in a Massachusetts rest area, I was presented with this enormous poster.
It was a diagram of the impending toilet I was going to use. No other Water Closet I have ever entered provided me with this type of intricate demonstration of the device I was going to use.
They called it the GREEN TOILET.

I do not possess a photographic memory, so the only thing I remembered about the informational poster were the words Green Toilet. This was what I was sorta expecting.

This was the second informational poster that was provided INSIDE the stall. I felt like I should have brought a notebook to take notes...this was way too much information. So what precisely did this 'green' toilet look like????

THIS is what it looked like.
The blackest black hole I've ever seen. This is not a trick of the camera. There was no bottom, there were no sides to be seen. Just total, unending blackness, unlike anything I've ever seen.
I imagine this is what a black hole in outer space must be like.

Speaking of bottoms, whenever I use a public facility, there is nothing that I touch that isn't separated from my skin by several, thick layers of tissue paper. So careful am I about this, that technically I don't even need to wash my hands as my hands never actually touch anything.
(Don't worry, birdman, I do wash my hands anyway....)

So one of my chores to get the job done was to put layers of toilet paper onto the seat itself before use. Well, I soon discovered that there was a 'breeze' coming up from the black hole!
None of the tissue paper would stay on the seat, it would be blown off the second I let go of it!!

After several failed attempts, I knew I had to do the dreaded hover technique. Fortunately my job to do wasn't complicated, if you get my drift.

Even with the 'breeze', amazingly there was NO smell of any kind, good or bad.

Not knowing what to expect when expecting a 'green' toilet, at least it wasn't this.....

Which it could have been!!

Speaking of doing the job, imagine how this Guiness Book World Records holder would take care of business??
ANY business...

Come to find out she hadn't cut her nails since 1979. 

Here is a quote from her when asked about the topic of this post:

"........she was asked the inevitable question about how she goes uses the bathroom, she replied: 'Very carefully'.


Sad update: (get a tissue, toilet or otherwise...) She was recently in a car accident and was thrown from the SUV and lost all her nails. She was devastated.