Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Take a seat...

I was in the gym the other day using the rest facilities. I noticed, having a keen eye, that the toilet seat chosen for the bathroom was a split seat. ***
Apparently, because there was nothing else on my mind at the time, I thought about how one never sees that style of seat in anyone's home. Why not?

I went home and asked Johnny Depp Mr. Downeast doing stuff what he thinks about this. After some rolling of the eyes, he said, "Probably for men."
I said, "huh?" "Don't men lift the seat?"
"He said, "not when they're sitting down."
After that comment, I decided I didn't want to know anymore.

But I was thinking about all the different types of toilet seats out there. I've only experienced a few:
1. Regular (hard seat)
2. Wooden (we had one, it eventually split itself. Needed duct tape to fix it. Unpleasant situation for a while.)
3. Soft seat. (Creepy)
4. The aforementioned split seat. (see***)
So I did some research for you because I know you don't have time. Here is what I've found.

You can get.....

Painted seats: Some people would like custom painted seats, you know, with a portrait of your sweetie, Cha Cha.

Or perhaps a guitar theme seat: Provides good acoustics for your music.

How about a Sponge Bob Square Pants seat?

Or a square seat: For Sponge Bob Square Pants and his ilk.

Maybe someLED lights seats: You can illuminate the job.

Or the face toilet: Bite my butt! Grrrr

This is the golfers toilet seat cover: (There must be a joke about a 'hole in one'  for this.)

The up and at 'em toilet seat: Guaranteed to wake you up in the morning.

This is a 24 carat gold toilet available in Hong Kong, for all of you receiving a stimulus package or a million dollar bonus. Estimated value: $10.000.00

Here is something your tax dollars paid for. A $19,000,000,000 Russian built space toilet. The new system will be able to produce drinking water for the astronauts.  :-0
(Looks like another Sponge Bob Square Pants toilet seat......)

After buying this for the astronauts, you may want this one...

The Serial Killer Seat. Always on the run.
As a result of my hard work, the consensus seems to be that there are split seats in public places for the lazy male that won't lift the seat and dribbles when he's done.

Geez, thank God that never happens at home. ;-p


Birdman said...

Wow! And I thought the Tic Tac story was VERY strange! Good Grief! I'd say get a life, but I know you have a GOOD one. Friends are beginning to ask questions. Yes, she married up!

FoodFunFarmLife said...

Thanks for a most informative and hilarious post, Elenka ! (It certainly gave me something to think about ..... ewwwwww !)

Carol Murdock said...

Well now Elenka....that guitar seat might make a good father's day gift for my Dad who is almost impossible to buy for! Ha! Where on earth did you find it?

Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

i hope i don't ever have to use that one with the tacks on it! yikes!

smiles, bee

Balisha said...

Now I've heard it all...a post on toilet seats. You certainly did a lot of research on this subject. Who knew there were so many seats out there...We could have Toilet Tuesday and show all of our toilet seats :)

Anonymous said...

What a hoot! Only you Elenka could find something like this.

cam said...

Wow, who would have known you were into potty humor??? Ha!Ha!

You started it, baby!!

love ya!

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I love this post!!

Who knew there were so many options!
But, I'm almost embarrassed to admit this, umm what is a split seat? I still don't get it.

OhioMom said...

Hilarious! I live with two males, we won't even talk about bathrooms .. ok ?

Anonymous said...

Nah, here's the toilet seat to end all toilet seats.

Anonymous said...

functioning link to above

Piggy and Grover said...

You are freaking hilarious!!!!!!! Oh my gosh, I laughed so hard!! That tack one though, yowza....

Kris said...

Wow what a post. A couple of those scared the crap out of me (pun very intended). I've seen lot's of painted seats. Phil loved the guitar seat....uhm, he could write music, play and do his business all in one setting.

Have a happy day


Anonymous said...