Saturday, January 16, 2010

My top Eleven list....


Top eleven things to know if you suck as a nurse but are relegated to be a nurse anyway, kicking and screaming:

#11. Do not leave the hospital until you twice interrogate every single doctor, nurse and candystripper you see  about what you should do with the heart patient at home.

#10. Have stuff ready for the heart patient to do, ie. laptop, books, magazines, camera,
tissues, spirometer and TV, so he doesn't bug you all day. (because he WILL!)

#9. Get a Netflix subscription. (In this case a gift from a dear friend!) Put 400 movies into the movie queue.

#8. Drink wine.

#7. Put all pills into a teeny-weeny, small plastic cup before administering to the heart patient, so they all get swallowed. (This doesn't explain the pink pill that was found on the couch today.)

#6. Tell heart patient you are going to the Post Office (in our case) to get all his new get well cards because you know how good it makes him feel to open them. (**Mostly it gets you out of the house so you don't have to listen to all the weird grunts and groans for a while....)

#5. Move out of your own pillow top bed with the heated mattress pad for the foreseeable future and onto the couch in the next room. Plan on it. Live with it.

#4. Keep a detailed  chart of when all the medicines were given. (Take a few yourself.)

#3. Drink wine.

#2. Plan to get right up again every single time you sit down to get, move, find or throw out something.

#1. Two tablets of Senecol followed by 10 dried prunes in the morning make for an interesting day.





22 comments:

Piecefulafternoon said...

Ahhh I know it well. Love the list! Add in there the shots Don had to have because the coumadin wasn't working fast enough and you have my life 7 months ago.

Hang in there - your bed will be yours once again!

Piecefulafternoon said...

At least you've still got some of your sense of humor left. I read this to Don and he really got a good laugh about it - then he sobered up and said - was that how I was? LOL - -OH yeah - that's how you were. Right down to number 1.

Purple Pam said...

Now I remember why I did not want to be a nurse! LOL!

brattcat said...

But is it as bad as you thought it would be...Hahahaha.
Hang in there, Elenka. Really good idea about the separate beds...I actually kneed Mr. Brattcat at his incision site two nights after the surgery. I shoulda left the comfortable, warm bed to him as you're so sacrificially doing for Birdman.

cam said...

Nice post, Elenka...you are right on the money!!!
I agree with brattcat...the guilt of opening up those wounds with a wrong move is enough to get you up and going!!!Better than having the phone on speed dial 911. Ouch!!!!

Love ya!!

Birdman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Birdman said...

Here's how my evening came to a close about midnight. E- was getting ready for bed, after a nice day of recovery. I was exercising, walking back and forth, the length of the hall. Her repose these cold winter nights is in the next room on the comfortable couch, amid her sleeping bag and quilts. She stays comfy warm there! When I finished exercising I could see she had, as usual, made her spot: bag, quilts, book, glasses everything in perfect place. It takes her about a minute to get situated! Me? I was in bed too, but realized I needed a toothpick to help eradicate a bit o' beef leftover from a meal of the day. So I proceeded back down the hall. I only uttered these simple words, "I need a toothpick."(I really didn't want her to panic with me out of bed so soon. Well, Mr. Man, I'll tell you there was an almost bloodcurdling scream letting loose from that couch, "WHAT?, WHAT?, WHAT?, WHY?, WHY? WHY?, WHY NOW?, WHY NOW?" At that point I proceeded to try to calm her down a bit and bring her under control, by informing her that I was getting the pick myself, and I just didn't want her to be concerned about me back in the hallway. She really is GREAT nurse, late at night though she gets a antsy at times! Ha!

Lois Grebowski said...

ummmm.... you forgot one...

DRINK WINE!

I like prunes.

Elenka said...

No.....I just zipped up my sleeping bag, propped up my pillow and opened my book when I heard someone yell from the bedroom, "I NEED A TOOTHPICK!"
If I remember correctly, I said, "Ok, Darling, I'll go get you one."

Oh, wait, no, actually I said, "What?" "Now?" "You gotta be kidding!!!!!&*^$^&))+@#

At that point I realized he was up in the hall, by himself, going to get the toothpick. False alarm.

He's getting better.....

Balisha said...

Joe and I are ROTFLOAO.Is that how the kids would put it??
Balisha

annie'smom said...

I think that, in the future, Birdman should have toothpicks with him at all times!! And, I agree, DRINK WINE!!!

Kathleen said...

Love your list. My husband sympathizes with you. I have had 11 surgeries. You home care "nurses" suffer from burn out frequently. You deserve a gold star, and an A+. Oh, and #12 is Drink Wine.

Fearless Nester said...

No where on that list did I see that you should give your patient a bell. And everytime the bell rings you should take a sip of wine. (Oh wait, maybe that was a drinking game I was thinking of.)
Great post Elenka! --Lili

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

Yes, wine... excellent idea ;) tee hee hee. and really, if there is energy to bug you there is energy stirring and that means healing :)

and yes.. drink some wine ;)

Evansmom said...

Mr. Birdman's comment made the post. Hang in there!

Jennifer said...

Hi Ellen,
You should be writing for Letterman. I'm glad you (both?) still have your sense of humor. We've missed you at KMS and I'm sure you're upset about missing BCTS manana?! Just thinking of you....I'm going to try to send you pics of Den Haag via email. Thinking of you, Jeni

Betsy from Tennessee said...

Hi Elenka, WOW---I haven't checked in here in awhile... Obviously alot has taken place recently... I wasn't aware of hubby's surgery. You certainly do have your hands full... BUT--you are keeping your wonderful sense of humor through all of this.

Write a BOOK.
Hugs,
Betsy

luthien said...

hey elenka :)
you won my giveaway! congratulations!! ... can i have you address please ... my email is happypimping@gmail.com

the post to the giveaway win is
http://pimpandpaint.blogspot.com/2010/01/and-winner-is.html

HUGS!
luthien :))

Balisha said...

Hi Elenka and Birdman,
How are things going? Just wondering.
Hugs...Balisha

Pink Feather Paradise said...

You 2 guys must be a scream at a party... you are so perfectly adorable and your sence of humours are fabulous...

big (gentle) hugs to you both
Alex
x

Sharon Creech said...

hahahahahahahahaha I LOVE this post!

Eva Gallant said...

That was hilarious! I just realized we are practically neighbors. I live in Saco!