Tuesday, April 21, 2009

What?? No Sunday Picture?? .... it’s VACATION !!

OK, there was no Sunday Picture on Sunday because it was too dang cold to go outside and it still has the March uglies around  here even tho it’s April and even tho green things are starting to pop out of the ground.

AND it was our Anniversary.....34 years !!!!!! Can you believe it!!

Also, we’re packing for a trip to SAN ANTONIO because it’s school vacation and it’s warm in Texas and Mr. Downeastdoingstuff had been there before and really liked it! So we’re taking to the skies.......

But first, here are some of my observations about traveling by air:

1. I used to pack a breakfast/lunch to bring and eat while waiting in the terminal so that I wouldn’t have to pay $12 for a bagel and a diet coke. 

Then you couldn’t bring any liquids into the gate or onto the plane because my diet coke might explode. 

Now you can bring liquids on the plane, but only if you buy them AFTER you go through the xray screening. So you pay $6 for a diet coke to take on the plane.

2. Dress in layers because you have to take it all off as you go through screening. 

Make sure you don’t have any holes in your socks or pantyhose because everyone will see it when you take off your stinky shoes and walk around on the germ encrusted floor. 

   Several bangle bracelets will set off the alarm and then they have to yank you to the terrorist section to probe around your body with Star Wars wands because you probably have an explosive diet coke in your bra.

   A large belt on a man will do the same thing. You never know, they might have an explosive in the crotch area and no one wants a man’s privates being blown up and flying around in pieces throughout the airport.

   So you take ALL your most valuable things and put them in plastic gray trays and send them off into a dark tunnel with strangers looking at them with bionic eyes.

3. After you reassemble yourself, you’re in. Find your gate and sit. and sit......and sit.....for about 1  1/2 hours.

   You were told to be at the airport 2 hours before the flight upon penalty of death and check in took 10 minutes. 

   I always have a carry on because someone convinced me years ago that there’s a good chance your luggage will be sent to Honolulu and you’re not. So make sure you have a change of clothes with you for the next day, and any other items you may need to get by with until the airlines delivers your wayward bag the day before you go back home.

4. OK....on to the jetway! You get a glimpse of the outside of your plane closeup for a split second as you get off the jetway and into the plane. Here is where you can make a quick assessment of all the bolts gluing the plane together. (Notify attendant if you see anything amiss.)

5. Find your seat and smoosh yourself into it, smoosh your stuff under the seat in front of you and look out the windown that needs major Windexing.

Fasten your seatbelt and smile when you have to make the seat belt smaller than the previous person had, or frown when you have to make the seat belt bigger than the other person before you had.

6. Pretend to listen to the flight attendant’s important life saving instructions. Note where the nearest exit is, you should at least do that much. Get out your book, and fall asleep after reading for it 3 minutes.

7. Ok, now it’s smooth sailing......until the first bump. Uh Oh. What’s wrong with the plane? Then another bump or two. Now it’s time to wake up and make your plan for what you will grab at the last minute when the plane does a ditch landing in a lake in Connecticut. Where’s that dang flotation device again?? Reach under the seat and feel something wrapped in plastic. That must be it. No body better be using an unapproved electronic device at this moment causing interference in the hydralic system or whatever. If you have earphones, plug them into the channel where you can hear the pilots talking to the towers. Oh, ahhh,  they all sound calm and indifferent. I guess everything is ok. 

8. Finally, the flight attendant tells you to get ready for the initial descent. 

Look out the window. Everything is still hideously small. Take your time, Mr. Pilot. No rush. Seat backs up and tray tables in the upright and locked position. Feel for that floatation device again. Still there. Ears start popping.

9. Here we go.......closer and closer to earth.....start to recognize things in detail. Look, there’s a stadium. Look at all swimming pools people have.

Look at the tiny airplanes at the airport. This is actually cool. 

10. Wheels on the ground. I’ve been on planes where the trip was so rough that the passengers actually applauded when we landed. Another flight under my alarm sounding bracelets. NOW the fun begins.....

   Here we come San Antonio !!!

More later....    :-)


JoAnn ( Scene Through My Eyes) said...

Sounds like a fun vacation - if they could just figure out how to get us there without those planes. LOL Great post!!!!

Queenie said...

Here's a tip: take an EMPTY water bottle in with you and once you are past security, you can fill it from the bathroom tap or a water fountain. Voila - you just saved $2.

OhioMom said...

LOL ... great post, and oh so true!

Shadow said...

I'll never look at a flight adventure the same way again!

Pink Feather Paradise said...

Oh you are so funny... Mr P is travelling to Washington and then changing flights to go to Binghampton... and what does he tell his elderly worrying mother? thats the airport where the shooting was!... now I have to deal with the panicing mother in law who will probably ring everyday he's away to check he's okay!

X Alex

rachel said...

Funny but sadly real..... I hope you and your luggage got there at the same time: I spent 15 days of my 3-week trip to Australia last year without my luggage. And my friend with hip and shoulder replacements set the alarms off wherever we went and was frisked every time. Great photos - thanks for the laugh!

Pam said...

Wow -you two have been together for a long time! Congratulations.Looking forward to some pictures of your trip.

Debbie said...

How true you are - flying is just the most relaxing thing in the world anymore, isn't it?
And congrats on the anniversary!